


i'm fine

by 31X11



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Gyuhao, I can't believe I actually wrote this, M/M, Unrequited Love, my first fic in this fandom hello hi, pls forgive me, there are hints of junhao in this eye emojis, this is almost 6k worth of mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 05:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10587696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/31X11/pseuds/31X11
Summary: mingyu thinks that everything is fine. if fine means having sleept for two hours the past forty-eight hours because minghao is upset.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chunji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chunji/gifts).



mingyu thinks that everything is fine. if fine means having slept for two hours the past forty-eight hours because minghao is upset.

there is one thing that he also should know that day. and that is minghao is taking no shits from him. not this time at least. he has had enough. and mingyu wakes up that day feeling the heavy sense of dread that started in his stomach and spread throughout the tips of his fingers and toes.

“you should have texted at the very least,” minghao keeps telling him whenever mingyu tries to open his mouth to explain. he is quick to shut him down and mingyu feels frustrated every single time.

if one were to ask mingyu, his favorite things about minghao (yes, plural) are his habits. things that people don’t really pay attention to but he does. mainly how minghao blatantly lies about hating mingyu every single time he can and he is given the opportunity to, only to be the one to hug him the tightest when he misses him. and therefore, with the knowledge and experience he has obtained throughout the years, he concludes that minghao is very, _very_ upset. something feels different. and that is precisely what drives mingyu insane.

it’s different this time, he confirms, when he steps outside of his room and sees minghao that morning.

free time after their concert usually means that everyone is asleep. he wakes up early to prepare food, mostly. people might think that jeonghan is the mom of the group but he likes to think that they both are. jeonghan takes cares of the kids and he takes care of cleaning the house, feeding them and...everything else jeonghan isn't too keen on doing.

he finds kimchi, eggs, two packs of udon noodles and frozen katsu. hardly enough to feed thirteen starving and exhausted teens, so he fishes his phone from his pocket and calls their manager to do some grocery shopping.

knowing that their manager will take at least half an hour to arrive to the dorm, he starts cooking a meal using the ingredients he collected. they were enough to serve as an entré before a full course meal, he thinks.

in the middle of taking out the udon noodles from its packet to put it in the boiling water, he suddenly hears heavy footsteps pad towards the kitchen. a curious member has been roused awake, most certainly because of the scent of food.

“morning,” mingyu greets as his lips leave the ladle he used to taste the broth, turning around to look at who it is.

minghao response is a curt nod and mingyu feels his stomach turn again. dread spreads quick to every part of his body and he struggles to keep himself chill.

oblivious (probably due to sleep) to mingyu's obvious distress, minghao starts rummaging through the fridge, sighing when he finds nothing edible other than greek yoghurt. he takes this out of the fridge and walks towards where mingyu is. mingyu stiffens as he nears, but minghao simply takes a spoon from the drawer without even speaking to him.

using this time, he takes note of minghao's sleepy state. his hair sticks out in all the wrong places, his tossing and turning that night causing his shirt to crumple and his cheeks had small lines from burying his cheek against his pillow. there is always the urge to fix his (or anyone's, really) hair or find comb to make the job easier. but he resists. because it is definitsly a bad time to act normal. he feels a sinking feeling in his stomach when he thinks that...what if things will never go back to normal?

minghao disappears to the living room and it is only then that mingyu lets out the breath he had been holding. he goes back to cooking then, cracking open the eggs while chewing on his bottom lip.

the silence is heavy and it suffocates him. though the sounds of snoring and his udon noodles' bubbling cuts through it. he doesn’t find the atmosphere any less unpleasant, however. but instead on dwelling on it, he busies himself with making food. 

there is nothing but the sound of utensils clashing against each other as he stirred the soup, or the chopping noises as he chops some garlic. a long stretch of silence after, the animated banter coming from the tv (probably some anime) when minghao turns it on helps him calm down as well.

doing one last taste test and check to make sure the noodles are cooked, he quietly sets the table. a bowl of warm rice, kimchi pancakes and instant udon noodles with beated eggs mixed in lay before him. it is just enough for two or more. the others will surely join in soon with their own set of chopsticks once they rouse awake. but they will have to wait until their manager returns for a more decent and heavy breakfast. soon, the chaos that thirteen young men and their morning routines usually causes will start. 

for now, he thinks of only minghao. he gathers up enough confidence to take cautious steps (which is useless with the wood creaking underneath his feet) and approach him. there he sits, slumping against the couch as he concentrates on what he is watching through eyes still heavy with sleep. mingyu resists again to fix his hair or remind him that he has drool on the corner of his lip. he tries to smile, hands curling into loose fists at his sides.

“minghao yah...do you want something to eat? i made something,” he invites him, walking a few more steps to sit beside him but leaving a few inches of space between them. just for good measure.

“don’t want to,” minghao answers, crossing his arms against his chest.

“you could use something to eat so you have energy for schedules later,” mingyu insists, though he keeps his tone casual and pleasant,

the couch creaks and the next thing, minghao is standing up and mingyu’s expression turns from pleasant to panicked quickly. what did he say wrong now?

“ming--”

“ _stop_ this. why do you always have to pretend everything is normal instead of apologizing?” minghao asks, turning on his heel to glare at mingyu.

mingyu is startled, eyes widening (almost comically so). “i--”

“you’re so quick to say sorry about other things but not this one?” minghao continuesz his eyebrows are furrowed and he gestures with his hands, expressing his frustration with his whole body. “why do _i_ always have to be the first one to reach out just because you look like a puppy that’s been kicked by its owner?”

“i’m sorry.” mingyu blurts out. “it’s because whenever i say sorry, you don't let me explain!" his temper rises as well, though not as hot as minghao’s. frustration builds up and mixes with it, his tone desperate and pleading. he has been trying so hard to apologize.  “you look at me like you’ll never forgive me again and that’s scary. i’m sorry i hung out with her that day when we were supposed to go out to watch a movie, okay? but she’s a friend that i went to school with and--”

minghao takes a step forward again. “you _deserve_ to feel sorry and guilty. you couldn’t have bothered to text or call? i looked like an idiot waiting at the cinema for you!”

mingyu grits his teeth, recalling the day that started this mess. like he said earlier, it is true that a friend from his hometown visited. she wasn’t very familiar with seoul and his mother specifically called him to show her around. although he promised himself he would finish early in time for the movie, things happened (catching up, mostly, nothing beyond that) and his phone ran out of battery. before he realized, he was already too late and did not have the guts to call. minghao is _right_. he could have at least called.

“i’m sorry…” by this time, he dares to raise his head to look at minghao to convey his sincerity. the other’s expression had softened to only mild irritation when their eyes meet.

it is progress, mingyu decides.

“do you like her?” minghao blurts out suddenly.

“huh?” mingyu asks, dumbfounded.

 “you _idiot_.” minghao facepalms. “do you like her? this girl you met up with?”

 “i don’t." mingyu blinks in confusion. “plus, she has a boyfriend.”

 “you should have said so!” minghao shouts again and mingyu could physically see his rage meter rise up again.

 “i-- you didn’t ask? i… why does it matter?” mingyu tries to connect the dots in his mind that would help him understand where minghao is coming from. as someone who is closest to him in personality, he should have a better grasp of it. but suddenly, he feels very lost and it bothers him.

 minghao sighs out loudly in exasperation and waves a hand. “you’re forgiven,” he says. mingyu watches as he walks to the kitchen, he takes one of the seats and start eating without talking.

 it is almost stupid (once again) of mingyu to feel happy to be hearing those words. even if they did seem a little forced, he doesn't let it get to him much. following in suit, he takes a seat adjacent minghao and starts digging in.

 he tries to fill in the silence with idle talk. minghao responds to his questions well enough. he feels the tightness in his chest loosen up and the horrible feeling in stomach slowly vanish.

 

* * *

 

after almost two days, the storm passes and he feels at peace. so much so that he gives his all in their schedules that day. the members quickly take note of his lifted spirits. they all share a knowing look behind his back then shoot a look at minghao. the chinese member pretends he doesn’t notice but he smiles a little. this gives jun the opportunity to tease him about it. 

mingyu is too easy to please. even easier to see through.

dokyeom slings an arm around mingyu while they eat and grins at him. they had been shooting for hours, changing locations twice and it is really past lunch time. the boys are hungry and mute as they stuff their faces with food. his same aged friend seems to have already finished eating so he has the time to bother mingyu.

“so you’ve made up?”

“yes, we have.” 

“i told you it’ll work out,” dokyeom says confidently, stealing the drumstick that mingyu is eating to eat it himself. “we were all betting it wouldn’t take another day, your fight.”

“what did you win?”

“hogging the ps4 for the entire week,” is the other's response coupled with an amused smile that stretches into triumphant.

mingyu laughs and pats him on the back. dokyeom, soonyoung, woozi, jeonghan and their leader will share the game console for the week, it seems. he almost feels offended by the lack of those who believe that he and minghao will make up sooner than later. but he did not blame them. everyone knows he doesn’t handle such situations well. mingyu might be an all around person and rather observant, but he lacks common sense most of the time. 

momentarily excusing himself from the waiting room to the bathroom (now that his last drumstick has been stolen) to wash his hands, he thinks of how relieved he is that their fight didn’t stretch out for a longer period of time. a toothy grin and a small laugh comes from him. 

 _kim mingyu, you are too easy,_ he thinks.

about to turn a left in the long hallway that led to the bathroom, he stops when he hears people talking. the rise and fall of the tone of the language is unique to mandarin only. somehow, mingyu is compelled to stay where he is, not making his presence known to the two members speaking. 

while they all have received proper training, it is still quite difficult to comprehend what is being said in the language. a few words (his chinese name, for the most part and also girlfriend) are processed but it does not make it easier to find the context or understand. their hushed voices make it even more difficult. curiously, he presses his face closer to the wall, inching closer. he hopes it will help him hear the concersation better but it did not. it did, however, make him feel as if he is a part of a spy movie. however, his efforts are wasted when someone jumps at him from behind and makes mingyu yelp in surprise.

quickly turning to see who the culprit is, he sees chan grinning at him. mingyu registers that he is not a mouse anymore a few seconds after.

“what are you doing, _hyung_?” he asks innocently, walking past him in a few strides.

he hears minghao and junhui’s voices greet their maknae. in an attempt to escape, he turns away and--

“yah, how long have you been standing here?”

stiffening visibly, mingyu desperately wishes he doesn’t feel as if he’s been caught eavesdropping on something private and intimate. or on something he shouldn’t know. something he is better off not knowing, possibly. it irks him a little, this feeling.

 he turns on his heel and smiles sheepishly at junhui and minghao, both wearing curious expressions on their faces. chan has already entered the bathroom before him and he swears to make him pay one way or another. the house is looking very dirty lately so he reckons chan will love to help him clean.

"just a few minutes before chan.”

“oh,” minghao replies, nodding. he seems content with mingyu's answer. “okay. we’ll go back to the set, then.”

through a tight-lipped smile, mingyu makes a sound akin to “mhm”.

 

* * *

 

later that night, mingyu stares at the pitch black darkness of the roof from his bunk bed in his shared room with seungcheol and woozi.

there were a great many thoughts that ran through his mind and he couldn’t dismiss them as easily tonight. so he lay there on his bed, tossing and turning for two hours. ultimately, he had given up and just stared at the ceiling, letting his thoughts consume him.

_what could they be talking about?_

_why were they talking about me?_

_is minghao_ hiding _something?_

he rolls to his side and squishes his face against his pillow. could he really be hiding something? and if not, then what does the uneasiness in his chest mean?

one, it could mean that he does not trust his best friend. minghao tells him everything and vice versa. if minghao knows he's been doubting him, he will surely feel offended. two, maybe minghao is pretending to be okay with everything and he needed someone to rant to earlier. the latter sounds more plausible than the former.

“is he really still mad?” he whispers out loud. as if someone will answer him when everyone is already asleep.

in the end, he only sleeps for an hour. but that is not uncommon, considering that they all sleep for less than five hours. five hours is lucky. but such luck is very hard to come by. especially in their promotion period.

“mingyu, your and seungkwan’s appearance for ‘baek jong’s three great emperors’ airs today. make sure to watch it and take notes.”

mingyu nods lazily to their manager. seungkwan groans in response, clinging onto jeonghan with closed eyes. “i wished i showed more,” he grumbles, the members comfort him. he did, too, as he did feel bad that he became the main topic of the episode. plus, everyone knew of his desire to appear on more variety shows and be the variety representative of the group. 

other than the photoshoot earlier that day, the children are otherwise free. though most of them still choose to practice. either attending their foreign languages classes, singing or dancing. some choose to play outside and relish their free time because they know it is too precious.

while others are productive with their time, mingyu chooses to clean the dorm. he asks the assistance of chan who doesn’t manage to slip away. especially after yesterday. mingyu is determined to -- pettily -- make him pay. 

“ _hyung_. do i really have to? can’t we skip on cleaning today and play?” he whines, frowning at the broom he is holding

mingyu nods, starting in the kitchen to take out old food and  put them in a trash bin. he also reorganizes the grocery their manager bought the other day, making sure the fridge and cupboards look orderly rather than in a mess. some of his members (him, included, though rarely) just take out ramyun from the cupboards without organizing the rest.  “don’t worry. there’s two of us. we can finish early.”

music plays from the bluetooth speaker that...mingyu forgets who owns it but everyone uses it so it's fine. things get mixed up very easily in their dorm, especially considering their number. today, mingyu is wearing wonwoo’s underwear. but the older did not comment on it when he saw mingyu putting it on yesterday after he showered. 

once the kitchen is spotless, he moves to the small area they consider the dining area. he takes only a few minutes there. the living room is larger and even messier. as well as their shoe racks and...he didn’t even know how they could all live in their rooms when it is so messy.

chan gives up halfway and snacks on chocopie that he only lets mingyu have a small bite of. even if mingyu asks for another, chan doesn't give him any more since he knows mingyu will eat a majority of it with one bite only. after re-energizing, he helps mingyu sort out the dirty clothes and put them in order of color and material. it is a very tedious job but it had to be done.

“ _hyung_.”

“hm?” mingyu asks, looking up from the pile of clothes that surround them.

“are you and minghao _hyung_ really okay?”

mingyu smiles. “we are. don’t worry.”

relief is seen in the younger’s face. he lifts a curious brow at this, and seeing the reaction, chan explains why he feels relieved. “good. i was about to talk to cheol _hyung_ about it. the other _hyungs_ were too busy making bets.”

looking down at the shirt in his hand, he lets himself laugh a little. “i heard. but minghao and i are really alright. i apologized the other day and he accepted it.”

chan smiles again, nodding. “then let’s finish this off! minghao _hyung_ texted me saying he’ll be home in a bit--”

“i’m home!”

“oh,” the both of them exclaim in mild surprise though neither stands up to greet him.

minghao pads towards the living room, greets the both of them and walks straight to the bathroom. he doesn’t come out for a very long time. and even when he did, he walks straight to his room he shares with seungkwan.

“hmm… he’s a bit weird…”

“he probably just needs to take a dump,” mingyu responds and lifts one of the hampers to put it in the laundry room. “you’re reading too much into it. how about helping me move these?”

chan simply shrugs and does as he is told though he struggles a bit because of the weight.

housework provides a distraction and mingyu is adamant on being distracted throughout the whole day. then, he’ll be too tired to lay awake and think too much about minghao later tonight. and he wants to be so tired he passes out the moment he lays down.

after minghao, the rest also follow. soon, the dorm is buzzing with chatter. those who won the bet play _overwatch_ to their heart’s content before mingyu and seungkwan’s appearance airs. mingyu is in the kitchen again, accompanied by seungkwan and dokyeom to prepare supper. they work in perfect unison and (mostly) quietly.

“do you need help?”

mingyu almost drops the knife he is holding to cut the radish. he doesn't need to look up to know who it is.

“sure, can you cut the green onions and cucumber for the garnish?” mingyu answers, awkwardly avoiding eye contact. “dokyeom ah, give him a knife. also check the soup and see if it needs more seasoning.”

“yes, chef!”

the others snicker and he chuckles himself, especially seeing minghao joining in. but still, the uneasiness is ever present and he decides that everything isn’t fine at that moment. and he can’t ignore it anymore. not when he can do something about it now.

“minghao ah, can you help me check the kimchi i made last night?” he asks, wiping his hands against his apron before he walks towards the balcony. he knows minghao is following him by the sound of his footsteps. and each step they took, he feels his heart race faster and faster.

“you’re too obvious.”

mingyu stops before he bent down to take a taste of the kimchi, turning to look at the other. “obvious?”

“you heard me and jun talk the other day, right?” minghao asks, walking past him to pick up a piece of kimchi and ate it. “it tastes good, by the way.”

“ah, really?” mingyu scratches his nape awkwardly. “i did. though there wasn’t much to hear other than my name and girlfriend.” he pauses, eyeing minghao carefully. “you don’t really think she’s my girlfriend, did you? we’re not even allowed to--”

minghao pushes mingyu against the wall beside the door. this wouldn’t have worked had mingyu been prepared, knowing full well he is stronger than minghao. but he is stunned, minghao’s hand is placed on either side of his head and he is very much aware of their bodies almost pressed closely together.

_xu minghao just kabedon’ed him._

“w-what are you doing?” mingyu asks, uncharacteristically stuttering.

“asserting my dominance. and my feelings,” minghao replies. and before mingyu has let another nervous ramble spill from his lips, he feels something soft, plump and full against them.

there is nothing but white and he feels a tingly feeling spread from his lips to the tips of his fingers. a gasp is muffled against the pair of lips that tasted like an odd mix of peppermint gum and kimchi. it would have been disgusting, but somehow, he doesn’t pull away. how could he when he has lost all capability to think much less speak. he doesn’t even register that minghao has pulled away, cheeks stained a flattering rose color. it also takes him a few minutes to regain his bearings and enough to hear the faint, “i like you.” coming from the chinese member.

those words make the flush on mingyu’s cheeks spread to the tips of his ears. he hides them with the back of his palm and his eyes widen at the confession.

_dugeun. dugeun. dugeun._

“i said i like you, dumbass. don’t look _that_ disgusted,” minghao says, looking down at his feet.

mingyu studies him, buying himself some time, he sees the tight set of his jaw and his hands clenched into fists so tightly that they turn white.

“i--”

“you don’t need to say it back if you don’t feel the same.”

“minghao, you know--”

“I _KNOW_ YOU AREN’T--”

“STOP TALKING WHEN I’M TALKING!”

minghao, for the first time in a while, is taken aback. this makes mingyu feel more confident in what he is about to say or do. even if he has no idea what. which knocks his confidence down a notch. all he knows is that everyone will come rushing in soon after hearing their shouts and he has to wrap this up nicely. and he knows that he feels _frightened_ , for one, because he doesn’t know how to handle these unfamiliar feelings and the change it might bring to their friendship. he feels...elated, secondly, seeing as minghao isn’t mad at him anymore and that’s all he initially had asked for. thirdly, his lips are still tingly from the kiss and he couldn’t stop staring at minghao’s lips.

everything is fine, mingyu decides, but also not.

there is a shift and he isn’t sure how they will manage after today.

“i...i don’t know what to feel about this. and _no_ , i’m not rejecting you by saying this. i just need to wrap my head around everything.” mingyu dares to walk closer to minghao who looks as frightened as he is when he lifts his head to look at him. he hugs the slighter male. “i’ll definitely give you an answer, okay?”

“okay,” minghao answers, voice muffled against mingyu’s sweatshirt.

it is seungcheol’s voice that breaks them apart and they both smile at each other. it is forced, mingyu knows, but it is a start. they carry the plastic container filled with kimchi inside and let the task of cooking occupy their thoughts.

if the other members noticed or heard them earlier, they didn’t comment. dinner is lively with banter and laughter. mingyu glances at minghao whenever he can to check if he is okay. but mostly, he looks at him because from that moment in the balcony, he swears he feels very aware of his presence. of course, he looks away when minghao notices. which is 99% of the time.

washing the dishes is left to the hyungs this time while the dongsaengs wash up and get ready for bed. some of the members have their eyes on the tv already

“mingyu _hyung_! hurry up! we’re appearing soon!” seungkwan shouts from the living room excitedly.

“yes! i’ll be out in a bit!”

slipping on a shirt, he walks towards the living room. all the members gather around the tv, some seated on the couch and most on the floor. the only space left is in between minghao and wonwoo. he sits in the middle of them, ignoring how his knee brushes against minghao’s thigh and the same tingly feeling he had experienced earlier resurfacing.

he brushes it off as his mind playing tricks on him.

unfortunately, that night, sleep doesn’t visit him either. while his body feels heavy from exhaustion, his mind is awake. once again, the ceiling becomes his topic of interest. and his thoughts, once again, are filled with minghao though they are different kinds of thoughts now.

memories of their time as trainees flood in his mind. the late night snacking in the practice room, the tears caused by frustration from failure and also success and their recent concerts. beyond that, the time they spend together just the two of them. minghao is always a constant shoulder to lean on and a presence that comforts him.

_is this what liking someone feels like?_

mingyu doesn’t know. he feels as if the answer lies somewhere within. but no matter how hard he searches for signs, only the kiss makes his heart thrum in his chest. mingyu is certain that this is the closest romantic feeling he has ever felt when it comes to minghao.  he turns to his side once again and buries himself under his blanket, cheeks hot and flushed.

sleep comes, eventually. but minghao lingers in his dreams as well.

 

* * *

 

 “can i go home?”

their manager regards mingyu curiously. he had woken up earlier than usual today. four hours before the sun is up. but hey, he uses the first hour thinking about a way to solve his problem. and the remaining three hours before his conversation with their manager planning. this behavior is odd, coming from him. especially since he did love sleeping in when he can. but he has other things to prioritize other than sleep. he fears that if he doesn't figure it out soon, everything will be way worse.

“sure...” he replies slowly. “until when? you only have three days left before schedules pick up again.”

“that’s more than enough. can you tell everyone i’m leaving, _hyung_? just tell them i need to visit because i miss them.”

“sure, i’ll do that. i’ll tell the company too. it’s been awhile since you visited home so i’m sure it will be fine.”

“thank you, _hyung_.”

 _that went unexpectedly smooth_ , he thinks as he starts packing soundlessly. seungcheol wakes up in between because mingyu manages to kick the dresser accidentally. mingyu keens over in pain but assures the older he is alright. he also tells him to go back to sleep as it was too early. although seungcheol resists he eventually goes back to sleep soon after. he had slept late, playing again, mingyu guesses. 

with a smile, he silently bids goodbye to his members by opening the doors to their rooms slightly and whispering his farewells. after that, he leaves a note on the table. mainly listing down some the expiry dates of the food and to keep the house clean while he is away. but...he couldn’t just let them have nothing for breakfast. he feels extreme guilt as he looks at his sticky note reminders. sighing, he shrugs off his coat and backpack. the least he could do is cook something quick before leaving.

it takes him two hours to make the meal for all of his members. he makes sure there are plenty of side dishes and enough soup to warm their stomachs. there were still remnants of winter, and the air is still chilly so he thought they will appreciate it. he even makes sure to put them in containers once they chilled and stacks them on top of each other before he finally deems he has done enough to not feel guilty about leaving. good job, self. after cleaning up, he puts on his coat and backpack, ready to leave once again.

“where are you going with that much clothes?”

turning around, he sees minghao sleepily making his way towards the kitchen. surely, he had woken up because of the smell of the food. mingyu could tell since he makes way for the kitchen first. he is frozen in place when minghao reads one of the notes, puts it back where mingyu had placed it and takes long strides towards him.

his breath catches in his throat, minghao’s close proximity causing his heart to flutter violently against the confines of his rib cage.

they look at each other’s eyes and while mingyu’s is filled with surprise, minghao’s seem to convey his desire to hit the other. this confuses mingyu and he doesn’t know what to say. so he doesn’t speak and waits for minghao to say _anything_. mainly because he doesn't want to be punched. but the silence, as it grew, makes him remember the kiss. especially with minghao’s breath tickling his lips and his scent numbing all other senses he has.

“bring back some food and souvenir,” he says finally and in a monotonous voice.

“a-ah. mhm. i will.”

minghao returns to his room and leaves mingyu even more confused.

 

* * *

 

 days pass by slowly. mingyu spends them playing with minseo when she isn’t busy with school. he helps around the house as well and meet childhood friends. it feels comfortable, being at home, yet foreign at the same time. he expects more people to walk out of the rooms in the house. sometimes, he thinks he hears people calling him, asking to be fed. one evening, he made too much food that leaves his mother in shock due to the amount of leftovers. 

alone in the bed he grew up in, he again looks at the ceiling. this time, it isn’t pitch black but is decorated with various glow in the dark stickers. most of them in the form of stars and the different phases of the moon. others are shaped like planets.

and even if the air is more fresh, the bed solely his and the ceiling decorated with stars, he lays awake thinking of minghao.

realization hits him slowly, leaving him in awe. god, he misses him. in a different way than he misses everyone else. but even if that is so, he doesn’t know if it is comparable to the feelings of like minghao feels for him. a groan slips past his lips, feeling frustrated once again.

_what is wrong with him?_

minghao is neither unattractive nor unpleasant (though it depends when you ask). in fact, they get along so well that he feels completely understood. his closeness with the other members is there but with this specific chinese member, he knows knows him inside and out. like a twin will. or a soulmate. even if the latter is a very foreign concept for his young mind. but it is the closest thing he can describe their closeness without making it incestuous.

the last day of his vacation provides no answer either. he wakes up that morning to his mother preparing breakfast.

“good morning, son~” she sing songs, carefully making egg rolls. she places them on a long plate and mingyu inhales the scent of food.

“do you need help, mom?” he asks groggily.

his mother shakes her head in response turning around to face him. “i finished already. i just want you to sit down and tell your mother everything that is bothering you that you had to suddenly come home.”

as expected. his mother sees through everything. even if she hasn’t asked before today, mingyu could notice her observing him. but she keeps quiet and if not for the opportunity given to them today, she wouldn't have pried.

mingyu’s voice shakes as his voices out his concern. “if...a good friend confesses to you...a-and well, you aren’t sure of what you feel for that person… but at the same time you don’t want to lose them, what do you do?” he doesn’t dare look at his mother as he asks. the mere fact that he is voicing this out to her is enough to make him feel embarrassed and scared. after all, minghao is a boy. and he isn't sure his mother is comfortable with him possibly being gay. but that is something mingyu can come to terms with, surprisingly. it isn't that fact that makes him hesitate.

she hums in response, reaching out to grasp mingyu’s hand and squeeze it. “you’ve told this friend about your uncertainty?”

he nods meekly.

“and what did this friend say?”

“...i didn’t have to answer right away. but i told them i need to figure out what i feel. but…i just…” 

“our mingyu,” his mother says gently, squeezing his hand again. “you don’t _need_ to rush anything. you are both young. you have all the time in the world to figure this out. but you have to communicate well in order to not hurt each other. don’t avoid them then whine to your mother about this.” she laughs in between, shaking her head. it makes mingyu smile a little. “talk properly, hn? i’m sure you will figure it out. **together**. this friend is special to you after all, right?”

nodding again, he feels his throat become dry and his eyes, teary. “yes,” he answers.

“eat some breakfast before you leave. don’t forget to bring some meat and fish cake back home, okay?” she lets go of his hand and goes back to setting the table.

mingyu feels comforted and somehow, he finds a fraction of the answer to his questions.

just outside of the dorm's door, mingyu prepares himself to see his members again. specifically one person, out of twelve. he needs to talk to him the moment they see each other before the courage he had mustered the past few days disappears. he even practices what he will say as he enters the password and slips inside. it is already noon so the fact that everyone is awake is no surprise.

he spots hansol first, smiling at him and answering questions of how his sister is and what he did the past few days. it is a pleasant exchange and he clings onto the other as they speak, conveying how much he had missed him and the others. wonwoo joins in soon after his shower and as did jisoo. they engage in a conversation in the kitchen but mingyu’s focus is elsewhere so he doesn't pay much attention.

“where’s minghao?” he finally asks.

“oh. he just went outside,” jisoo replies. “he’s spending a lot of time in the practice room.”

“yeah,” junhui chirps in from behind jisoo, giving mingyu a meaningful glance. “ever since the both of you fought. soonyoung says that he’s been dancing like a crazy man.”

“ah…

“why don’t you pay him a visit?” junhui suggests, tone serious.

“ey,” jisoo interrupts, slinging an arm around the other. “he just got home from a long trip. let him rest.”

wonwoo nods, agreeing with jisoo. “mhm. do you need help with those?”

mingyu almost forgets about the food he is carrying. he can imagine his mother chastising him from hundreds of kilometers away. he nods at the older’s offer. “i think i’ll store these first then i’ll go to the practice room. i feel like i ate too much at home anyways so i'll practice a bit.”

“we’ll do it for you,” seungcheol says as he approaches them. “plus, you can't expect us not to take a bite of your mother’s cooking.”

smiling, mingyu hands them the plastic containers. “then. i’ll be off.”

nerves get the best of him always but he somehow finds himself not stopping and turning back. once he arrives at the company building, he searches for minghao in one of the many practice rooms. he feels odd for running but he really does want to see him right away. 

when he approaches the fourth practice room, he feels the bass’ vibration on the door as he pushes it open. and there, closest to the mirror in the center of the room, lay minghao. he is panting, sweat running down his face, neck and his arms. he walks closer, plopping beside him and looks at him. he has his hair sticking to his face, lips parted as he let out short breaths. mingyu wonders briefly how long he had been dancing already. but before he could ask, minghao's eyes flutter open and looks at mingyu’s eyes directly. they are steady but unreadable to mingyu under the dim lights. but he knows he is alert and paying attention.

minghao picks up the remote from beside him and turns off the sound system. “what’s up?”

“let’s go on dates.”

minghao’s eyes widen a fraction. “dates?” he asks breathlessly. there is pleasant surprise evident in his features. 

mingyu tries hard to suppress a smile, biting on his bottom lip. “ **dates** ,” mingyu confirms. “i decided i needed to have some time to see you...the way you see me. or at least try to. then, we can kind of...know, i guess? if we can work out.” _as boyfriends_ , he wants to add but he bites his tongue from nervousness. he doesn’t let the pain show in his face, afraid to ruin the mood. though he winces and he knows minghao notices.

sitting up, minghao mimics mingyu’s position. his lips slowly stretching into a smile. “okay.”

“ _okay_ ,” mingyu repeats, awkward and giddy all at the same time.

minghao’s laugh echoes in the practice room and soon, mingyu joins in. they laugh because they are relieved. laugh even more because dates were lame but they are excited all the same. and they laugh louder, cause _yes_ , mingyu, _everything is indeed fine_.

**Author's Note:**

> i actually did not like this fic as i got to really write it past minghao waking up. i wasn't happy with how i wrote it or i was thinking too much of their dynamic. so it sat in my drafts for a few months and me adding words here and there when i remembered it existed. thankfully, the person who made me ship gyuhao in the first place reminded me that i really need to start finishing the fics i promised her. and, unlike two years before, make her wait three years for a 500 word fic.  
> so that's basically what got me started but i didn't expect for it to be this long rip. i didn't even want to post it since it was so crappy but since it's not a 2k one-shot, i figured i should share it. plus, gyuhao has been serving us good these past few months so i wanted to contribute to the gyuhao fic count.  
> anyways! i hope you all enjoy this! ;w; leave me some feedback if there is anything you think i should improve on! i would be more than happy to read them!  
> and also, if you want to scream about gyuhao to me (or this fic), you can find me at @hviwoos_ on twitter! 
> 
> (p.s the room arrangements might be off since i based this off of a few posts. so i do apologize in advance!)


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